...I think I can....

....I thought I could....and I did it!!! I really really did it!!!! I finished out my first semester with a 4.0....and in case you didn't know....thats ALL A'S!!!!!!!! WhAt?!?!?!!! I know now...when you think you can....and you keep your eye on the prize....you can do anything you set your mind to! My only hope now is that I can keep the trend going.....but only time will tell how that one works out.....
Next semester is going to be full of lots of exciting firsts for both David and myself (no we're not getting married and nobody is having a baby)....and I can't wait to share them all....but first David must spill the beans to a few important people (b/c we all know I spill the beans right out of the can...which means I'm sure most of the 3 people who read this already know) ... at any rate...stay tuned for our big announcement....coming soon to a blog near you.....

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!!

Tis the Season...

That's right ladies and gentleman...its that time of year...that time when all the normal folks are out there decorating for Christmas, putting up lights, shopping, getting in the holiday spirit....and the nerds of the world....are studying for finals....although a tad self induced...its not so bad...one more to go and I've successfully completed 1/8 of my nursing education!!! *high fives!* So while I'm studying for this last exam (developmental psyc...BoRiNg!) ... I started thinking about everything I've learned so far this semester...so I of course...thought I would share.....

While the trials and tribulations that were Organic and Bio Chemistry really taught me alot about myself and the things I'm capable of....and while my Evolution of Nursing class was by far my most favoritest class ever this semester (minus the brats who sat behind me that I wanted to punch in their faces on an hourly basis for saying insanely downright stupid things)....all in all I think the class that taught me the most was my Cultural Nursing class....the overall message being that providing culturally competent care involves knowledge and understanding of people and their culture, accepting and respecting differences while resisting judgment by remaining open and comfortable, and most importantly self awareness......

self-a·ware (slf-wâr)

adj.

Aware of oneself, including one's traits, feelings, and behaviors.

---

self-a·wareness n.

Self-awareness is the awareness that one exists as an individual being. Without self-awareness, the self perceives and accepts the thoughts that are occurring to be who the self is. Self-awareness gives one the option or choice to choose thoughts being thought rather than simply thinking the thoughts that are stimulated from the accumulative events leading up to the circumstances of the moment.

....so what are my true feelings, and opinions...what do I really believe...when it comes to topics like abortion, euthanasia, physician assisted suicide (don't worry I won't get into all that here..that's a little deep)....and the ever growing elephant in the room in my family as of late...divorce....

It has come up in topics among my closest of friends....and has even been discussed between selective family members...all the while being tip toed around ever so slightly (especially with Thanksgiving just past and Christmas on the way)....no one wants to say the wrong thing...or hurt any ones feelings (because lets face it when kids are involved too many people have been hurt already)....so here you go folks....my feelings about divorce......and to be quite honest...I don't care who it hurts.......

IT IS WRONG

.....under very select few circumstances is it ever acceptable in my eyes....

I believe...with very strong conviction....that marriage is something that two people should never tread into lightly....the way I see it....until death do us part means one of us has to die....what God joins...no man should ever break apart....vows that you promise....in good times and bad, sickness and health....that you stand up in front of God and everybody to pronounce....shouldn't be able to be flaked out on so easily.....when you make promises and say "I do".....it means you keep it...and you do....even when you think you can't....even when you think you don't....you do.....

.....I think we all lose a little respect for people when they back out of commitments....but I lose alot respect for people when they back out of life commitments...like marriage...I think divorce is for the weak...marriage is for the bold....I think divorce is for the people who say "I can't" and "I quit"....marriage is for the people who say "no matter what....we will" and love can then prevail....all you need is love....for yourself, for the other person, and for the sanctity of the marriage that you both at one point agreed to....the end....and for the sequel you can think about how it will affect the future of the world....your children... research has shown that children of divorce are less adjusted, have more conduct problems, have higher rates of depression and lower achievement in schools due to a poor self concept...and they themselves will be 50% more likely to get divorced....so way to go....way to set your own children up to fail in life because you were too incompetent to succeed in your marriage (and probably in most cases in life)....the sliver lining is that positive life events (like positive relationships with other family members) can counteract your poor excuse for decision making.....

I personally don't care about excuses people come up with when it comes to divorce...because I simply don't believe in it....and when you're telling me "your side" make sure you remind yourself that I'm politely tuning you out....because I won't say all these things that I truly in my heart of hearts believe (being the southern woman that I am)...I'll smile and remain neutral....because after thinking it over a little....I know where I stand when it comes to divorce....and so do the people I love.....and if you didn't know before....you do now....so I guess all that remains to be learned out of this little lesson of self awareness....is how not to judge you for it.........

"The surest way not to fail...is to be determined to succeed"

The results are in....and as many of you already know....I ENDED UP WITH A BIG FAT 95 ON MY CHEMISTRY TEST!!!!! The average on this test was a 64...only 4 people made A's...and I my friends was one of those! I don't think I could be ANY happier....not only because I made an A and kicked that tests booty....but because lots of things were proven with this A (aside from the whole chemistry thing).......

...I proved to myself that I CAN ...even when sometimes people try and make me believe I can't....and when you put your heart and soul into something....and give it everything you have....the best you can do ends up being better than the rest! When you leave no option for failure...all that's left is success .....because you CAN...when YOU think you can.......
I know there are people out there who still think I'll fail ... not necessarily chemistry....but at nursing in general....and I know there will be a lot of people out there, when its all said and done, that will try to make that a reality....but sadly for them...I know otherwise....haters can't take the wind out of my sails....I am the only one who can do that....I am the only one who controls whether I make it or break it.....whether I find true happiness in what I do...or if I quit just short of the finish line....sometimes your team mates try and trip you up....and the best revenge...is not staying down...but getting back up....sometimes your cheering section and the people you want so badly to build you up....only break you down......
its important for us all to remember...that just because we've failed at something...doesn't mean others have to as well....we can use the things we've learned through our failures to help others succeed where we could not....and through helping....instead of hindering...we too have succeeded.....
Sometimes...the only thing that keeps you going when you know somebody you love doesn't truly believe in you....is knowing that in the end...when you do accomplish your goals and find happiness....you're the one who stands alone....victorious....and at that point...nothing else matters.....because you beat the odds...you proved them wrong....and you're the one who gets to say "i told you so".....

We are responsible for our own future....our own destiny....believing in ourselves is half the battle....the other half is battling those who try and keep us from our dreams.....so when you think you can....you do...and when others try to tell you you can't....you fight like hell to prove them wrong......

"Dream lofty dreams, and as you dream, so you shall become...."

you know you're a nursing major when.....

.....you eat, sleep, drink, and breathe organic and bio chemistry......

***disclaimer...this post is about to get uber personal****

if you have issues with people talking about their bowel movements please stop reading here

At the risk of sounding completely insane....I came to a few realizations about myself this morning.....as I'm going over and over in my head the naming, preparations and reactions of aldehydes, keytones, carboxylic acids, esters, amines and amids....while I'm yes...going #2....I realized I have a problem (and no its not a problem going poo...although I've had uber awful tummy issues lately....probably due in large part to my insane amounts of stress over this damn chemistry test I have on Thursday)......so...hi...my name is Jessica...and I am a perfectionist. I have reached an all time low in my perfectionist ways... studying for chemistry....while going poo.....there...the first step in fixing a problem is admitting you have one right???

All jokes aside...this applies not only when it comes to school work...but in my real life too....I don't know where it comes from...but I have this superhero strong belief somehwere deep down inside of me... that if you're not going to do something right...and if you're not going to give whatever it is you're doing everything you have....you shouldn't do it at all.....this goes way beyond studying for tests....to the simplest things....like sending thank you notes....properly addressing wedding invitations (sorry you guys know I had to throw that in)....folding clothes.....doing laundry...cooking meals....cleaning....the acceptable things to say to people vs. not say....the list could go on and on....I'm pretty sure I'm boarderline OCD....
This led me to another realization....that being a perfectionist is EXHAUSTING!!!!!! nobody ever notices that you put everything you have into everything you do (except for you)....the people who fly by the seat of their pants....are no different than the people that plan and prepare for every single possible detail....the A student gets no farther than the C student.....the procrastinators get the same job done as the obsessive planners (eventually).....

I guess there's a middle ground in there somewhere...and hopefully I'll find it one of these days....after all...life is just a balancing act.....so skip class....procrastinate on writing that paper or planning for that test....mix things up in your life....because we all know that even though you COULD have made an A on that chemistry test...making a C every now and then is ok too.....

***however failing is not an option.....so its back to the books I go....*****

"life is what happens when you're busy making other plans"--John Lennon

...be the change you wish to see in the world....

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,

People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends, and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you have anyway.

You see, in the final judgment, its between you and God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

--Mother Teresa



I don't think there's a college student in the world that enjoys dropping tons of cash for useless textbooks.....which is understandable...considering most don't even crack them the whole entire semester... much less read them ..... I can even admit to being one of those...until Nursing 212 and reading Dr. Hickey's book...7 Summits: A Nurse's Quest to Conquer Mountaineering and Life (not only is it an awesome book but $1 goes to the Summit Scholarship at USC--I'm a sucker for supporting a good cause). There are very few professors in this world who actually fulfill their duties of enriching the lives of their students by actually teaching material needed to fulfill curriculm AND life....Dr. Hickey is one of those professors that has gone above and beyond his call of duty. This book touches my life in a different way every time I pick it up to read it....not only are there life lessons....but you follow him on his journey of reaching the 7 tallest Summits of the World...all while learning about milestones and current issues faced in nursing.....

           Charles Shultz's Philosophy

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Contest

4. Name 10 people who have won the Nobel or Pullitzer Prize

5. Name the last dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actoress

How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers, They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

          Try these:

1. List a few teachers who aided in your journey through school

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile

4. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with

5. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.....

....the people who make a difference in your life aren't those with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones who care...the ones who want to challenge you so that you can succeed...they are the people who inspire you to be better than your best....they are the people who push you to your limits and show you that when you go beyond what you think you can do....the possibilities are endless......

"....with ordinary talent, and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable...."

...after chemistry lab today.....

.....you should all know...that if anyone were stuck with me on a deserted island...or if it were the end of the world and we were chillin in a bunker somewhere....and you had a headache, fever, or were on an aspirin regimen to reduce your chances of having a heart attack....AND we had unlimited access to salicylic acid, acetic acid, acid anhydride, and iron chloride.....I alone could produce endless amounts of aspirin....
....hopefully after a few semesters I should be able to attain a few more skills that would make me a more likely candidate for you to want keep me around in such scenarios....but we'll just have to stay tuned for those....in the mean time you would remain headache and fever free, with reduced chances of having a heart attack.....thank you chemistry 102

"...if not you...who......if not now...when..."

     Three months ago it was not uncommon for me to find myself alone in my office...staring off into space....on the verge of tears....wondering "what the hell am I doing?!" .... < insert quarter life crisis here >
On the outside...my life probably seemed like everything was on the up and up.....I finished college...I found a great job (for the most part)....and spent 2 (ish) years with a great group of people (who I'll always consider friends)...I found the love of my life who makes me the happiest girl on the planet...and I have a group of friends who are nothing short of fabulous....but on the inside....something was missing......and I knew...something had to give.....
....alot of people had negative things to say about my decision to go after my dreams....there were alot of reasons why I shouldn't go into nursing....but sometimes all you need is one reason why you should....so I turned in my notice....quit my job....and started classes in the College of Nursing at USC this past August..... and so far....I don't think I could have made a better decision.....when you really find your calling....when you figure out what it is that you're supposed to be doing with your life.....everything else just seems to fall into place.....and for the record...let me just say...I truly believe in my heart of hearts....that nursing is my calling......

There isn't going to be a single thing about this whole entire process that is going to be easy....but if there is one thing I'm sure of...it is that nothing in life that's worth having...ever came easy.....so here's where the long, hard road begins.....there are going to be many twists and turns, late nights and early mornings.....there will probably be a few pit stops, speed bumps, and road blocks along the way.....but I know that when I finally get to where I'm going....I'll be thankful for all the places that I've been....

So to remember it all....and so you guys can laugh, and learn, and experience it all right along with me....I bring to you this blog.....follow my confessions....as I hopefully make it out of this on the other side of the fence....