My mom and I went to Pella Iowa today....for their tulip festival....and I was super stoked...not only because flowers of any kind mean winter is over and spring is actually here but because tulips especially have always been a flower that can brighten my day....(they remind me sooo much of Winthrop and how Ashley and I used to get so excited when the tulips would bloom out in front of the entrance every spring----and the thought of that alone makes me uber homesick...which probably to blame for much of my struggles). So anyway, I got a little sad when I saw how over cast and rainy it was supposed to be today....but the rain held off long enough to walk around, take some pictures (which also made my heart smile-altho I wanted to take sooo many more than I did), and shop (also making my heart smile). As I was snapping away at all these gorgeous tulips I couldn't help but think about the irony of it all.....how something so amazingly beautiful can still be amazingly beautiful in spite of all the dark ominous clouds and depressing drizzle....and thats when I decided....thats how I want to be....in spite of all this dark fear that surrounds me about this chemistry mess (and my fear of failing at anything)....I don't want to become ominous and depressing...I want to remain bright and cheery and beautiful. So I made a decision...to give it all I've got....to do the best I can...and if my best isn't good enough this time around...then I'll just have to try again.....in the face of fear....I do not want to be someone who crumbles.....
So I have had an AMAZING day....full of just the right amount of everything I need....it was almost as if someone was listening to my last depressing blog and sent me an exact dose of perfection...
Am I still super scared that I may fail my first class ever in my whole entire 7 year college career...yes...will this fear hold me back from studying the way I need to...probably....but I found the motivation today to atleast give it all I've got....because I realized that you don't always have to out run the beast that chases you....you just have to be ahead of someone else.....
This was my favorite picture of the day....because I feel like it captures PERFECTLY how I feel 99% of the time here in Iowa....in a patch full of pink...I'm yellow.
I never feel comfortable here....I always feel as though I stand out.....I'm different.....this will never be home for me....and I may never make a real friend.....but when it comes down to it...I love everything about what makes me different....I love that I'm southern and the south will always be my home....I love that I have traveled, seen, and experienced different parts of this country and the world....and best of all....I love that no matter what....I have an amazing life....I am following my dream and will not give up when the going gets tough....I know that to truly succeed...you must first fail....and while my failures are yet to be determined.....I know that my friends, my family, and the love of my life make me the luckiest and happiest girl in the world.....
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