I'm starting to get uber uber discouraged....inspite of my BEST efforts to stay positive....
I just got an email from financial aid telling me that I will be getting ZERO financial aid this summer....and after I had to borrow $2000 dollars from my parents to cover this semester....I'm beginning to ask WTF Iowa?! WTF?!
I moved here for the opportunity to work, go to school, experience something new...etc. etc.....and so far I've done all of those things...but at the same time its felt like ever since I've gotten here theres one hurtle after another to jump through. How is it that I got everything covered in SC (tuition, books and parking) going full time with extra left over and after coming here (not even paying out of state tuition or anything...just PURELY for credit hours) I have to pay significant amounts of money out of pocket?! Like what the hell do you have to do to get financial aid that covers your entire tuition around here??? donate your left fucking kidney and your first born child?! Get fucking real!
The financial aid office is about to get an EAR FULL from yours truly....thanks again for ruining ANOTHER day of mine....I would send a fucking bill but your sorry ass excuse for an office probably wouldn't even cover it!
UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Trying to practice safe procrastinating...
So I decided while I'm studying my ass off...and trying superhero hard not to procrastinate....I'd procrastinate productively and post about my studying....maybe hopefully in some warped world it will help me retain the massive amounts of information I'm trying to shove in my brain in hopes of rockin it out on my last exams before finals....so here's your animal bio entertainment....hope you enjoy.....
Here's an overview of what I'm SUPPOSED to be learning
(not just memorizing...its important not to forget that :-P)
**Muscles--and the cellular basis of muscle contraction
**Meiosis--"the most important act of sex"
(for those of us who LOVED school house rock back in the day)
(and for those of us who like boring bio videos)
**Genetics--
(sometimes Bill Nye just knows how to explain things)
Obviously we go a little more in depth here with transcription and translation , splicing, and the expression of genes.
**Development -- gametogenesis, fertilization, cleavage, gastrulation, neurulation, organogenesis, and morphogenesis---and STEM CELLS (which are super cool)
Thanks for helping me study...I've now successfully blogged, found super funny videos on stuff I'm supposed to be learning, had a good laugh/entertained myself, AND studied all at the same time...maybe I'm getting a little better at this balancing thing after all??? (see previous blog if you're confused)
I hope you were atleast entertained...if not I'm sorry you won't be getting these precious minutes of your life back..and for that I apologize :-P
HAPPY EASTER!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Life...a juggling act....
Lately I've been struggling with a skill that I don't think I've yet adapted....and that's juggling everything that is my life. Balancing everything that goes on in our lives seems simple enough in theory....school, work, friends, relationships....but when it comes down to it...how well adapted are we when it comes to balancing the things that are most important to us?
I feel guilty when David needs attention and I can't give it to him b/c I'm too preoccupied with school or work...I feel guilty when I sit on the couch and relax when I know there are tests to study for...I hate that sometimes I just want to call my friends and chat it up for hours...and I don't because I'm too busy and always "put it off till later." I find that as of late I am always thinking about the things that need to be done...and not focusing on the things that are happening right in front of me at that moment. Its like my mind is always on to the next thing...before finishing a thought, or action, or daydream....and I'm finding that the more my mind wonders...the more conflicted I feel. Sometimes its like I can't do anything right...and other times...when I'm "in the moment" it feels like everything is simply perfect and I find that I hold my breath...knowing that those perfect moments are ever so fleeting...and won't last for longer than a few seconds...a few minutes...and if I'm really lucky maybe an hour or so.....
So why is it that in striving so hard for these fleeting moments of perfection...I get caught up in the details??? I just want to enjoy every moment in my life...b/c it is perfect....I have a man who moved halfway across the country for me b/c he loves me...I have a fam that instead of being in a different time zone are finally right across the street....and I get to experience something so new and exciting....why can't I just enjoy it?! Sometimes I think it simply comes down to having too many balls in the air...and not enough time to juggle them all.....
I wish I knew how to plan better...I wish I didn't hold off until the last minute to do everything in my life....I wish I just had a few extra hours in the day...for me...to do the things I love to do...and most of all...I wish I could find more time to enjoy the simple things in life.
I think I'm going to make a new resolution for my life.....learn to juggle...
I feel guilty when David needs attention and I can't give it to him b/c I'm too preoccupied with school or work...I feel guilty when I sit on the couch and relax when I know there are tests to study for...I hate that sometimes I just want to call my friends and chat it up for hours...and I don't because I'm too busy and always "put it off till later." I find that as of late I am always thinking about the things that need to be done...and not focusing on the things that are happening right in front of me at that moment. Its like my mind is always on to the next thing...before finishing a thought, or action, or daydream....and I'm finding that the more my mind wonders...the more conflicted I feel. Sometimes its like I can't do anything right...and other times...when I'm "in the moment" it feels like everything is simply perfect and I find that I hold my breath...knowing that those perfect moments are ever so fleeting...and won't last for longer than a few seconds...a few minutes...and if I'm really lucky maybe an hour or so.....
So why is it that in striving so hard for these fleeting moments of perfection...I get caught up in the details??? I just want to enjoy every moment in my life...b/c it is perfect....I have a man who moved halfway across the country for me b/c he loves me...I have a fam that instead of being in a different time zone are finally right across the street....and I get to experience something so new and exciting....why can't I just enjoy it?! Sometimes I think it simply comes down to having too many balls in the air...and not enough time to juggle them all.....
I wish I knew how to plan better...I wish I didn't hold off until the last minute to do everything in my life....I wish I just had a few extra hours in the day...for me...to do the things I love to do...and most of all...I wish I could find more time to enjoy the simple things in life.
I think I'm going to make a new resolution for my life.....learn to juggle...
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Another round of classes.....
So I've registered for classes....and I must say I'm very impressed....at USC classes seemed to fill so fast...leaving me out high and dry...waiting for people to drop the class (usually after it had already started) before I could get in...however yesterday...I got every class I wanted...at the times I wanted them...no problem at all. It was one of those situations that left me wondering if I had done something wrong...like it was waaaay to easy. But either way...this summer I'll be taking anatomy ... which I'm not going to lie I'm uber excited about....and in the fall I'll be taking nutrition (which I'm also uber excited about) and physiology (which I'm dreading a little bit). This will leave me with a few more classes to take next spring (microbio, healthcare finance, and possibly a math or other bs class they invent to waste my time)...applying for admission into the nursing program for the following fall and hopefully finishing that up in the two years that follow. So my light at the end of the tunnel (though I can't actually see it yet)...will hopefully show up within the next 3 years...so I can return to a normal life again and be done with all of this school mess!!!!
I must admit...when I was working...school sounded like a fabulous escape...and now that I'm here...working seems to be the easier of the two. I suppose thats how things always work out....the grass isn't always greener on the other side...either way I'm crossing my fingers that everything stays on track....
I must admit...when I was working...school sounded like a fabulous escape...and now that I'm here...working seems to be the easier of the two. I suppose thats how things always work out....the grass isn't always greener on the other side...either way I'm crossing my fingers that everything stays on track....
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Surviving.....
I've made a bench mark....I've survived a few "obstacles" these past few weeks....my first day "on my own" on the floor...and hospital wide orientation (which sounds like a piece of cake...but let me assure you....was stab your eyeballs out boring)----The larger of these two obstacles was definitely sitting through hospital wide orientation.
This being said....I feel as though I have come out on top. The more I work the more confident I feel in my position...which is always reassuring. And after signing the dotted line for benefits (which still impresses me that part timers get full time benefits here----all due to the union no doubt *insert sarcasm here*) I learned alot today---beyond which benefit plan fits best for my oh so complicated life (more sarcasm).
We had a few "motivational speakers" that presented on our mission as a hospital .... "world class people...world class medicine" ..... "changing medicine...changing lives" or something to that effect....the moral of the story basically being the golden rule and all that a swift kick in the ass by your mom during "home training" taught you when you were 5 years old. But one thing resonated with me and it is something I hope to take with me after all this "newness" wears off.... it is an outlook that I think anyone who works in a care giving role could benefit from.
The major point of the quote this speaker shared was this----as caregivers our lives can feel pretty overwhelming at times....like our jobs are never really fully done, like we are never really doing enough. We can get upset over our hectic schedules....we can bitch about how this situation we're in sucks and/or how we wish certain things about our lives were different....but the fact is....the very patients that we care for .... are the ones who really have it tough.
"Our everyday is their big deal"--- its a quote that hospital administrators want us all on the floor to remember----the people who come into the hospital....whether its because of chest pain, heart attacks, transplants, simple procedures or life changing diagnoses...the ones on the other side of our care....they are the ones who truly have it bad. And yet (from what I've seen so far) manage to stay positive.....show strength and courage through the most devastating times.....they are the ones we should be admiring. But for some reason we still can't help complaining about the things going "oh so wrong in our own lives."
In a hospital....on any given day....a persons life could change forever...in a matter of seconds....and lives do change...people lose loved ones....truly horrible things happen....and it is in these moments that an extra minute to care or show compassion about what a patient and/or their families are going through...is what really makes a difference. And if that isn't an outlook that can make you change your perspective on whats going "so wrong" in your life....I don't know what else can...
The reason I chose nursing in the first place was because I wanted to make a difference. It wasn't until getting involved with patients that I realized what a difference I can make (even in the simplest of ways). And I hope, as I struggle through juggling school and work and a life outside of both, that I don't forget that my everyday is someones big deal. I hope I don't miss out on chances to truly care for people when they need it the most.....because every patient is someones family...is someones friend...is something to someone...and knowing how much the people in my life mean to me.... I don't even want to be on the other side of horrible things that really do happen every day.
Staying thankful, staying positive, staying present and focused are the things always on my "to do list"
This being said....I feel as though I have come out on top. The more I work the more confident I feel in my position...which is always reassuring. And after signing the dotted line for benefits (which still impresses me that part timers get full time benefits here----all due to the union no doubt *insert sarcasm here*) I learned alot today---beyond which benefit plan fits best for my oh so complicated life (more sarcasm).
We had a few "motivational speakers" that presented on our mission as a hospital .... "world class people...world class medicine" ..... "changing medicine...changing lives" or something to that effect....the moral of the story basically being the golden rule and all that a swift kick in the ass by your mom during "home training" taught you when you were 5 years old. But one thing resonated with me and it is something I hope to take with me after all this "newness" wears off.... it is an outlook that I think anyone who works in a care giving role could benefit from.
The major point of the quote this speaker shared was this----as caregivers our lives can feel pretty overwhelming at times....like our jobs are never really fully done, like we are never really doing enough. We can get upset over our hectic schedules....we can bitch about how this situation we're in sucks and/or how we wish certain things about our lives were different....but the fact is....the very patients that we care for .... are the ones who really have it tough.
"Our everyday is their big deal"--- its a quote that hospital administrators want us all on the floor to remember----the people who come into the hospital....whether its because of chest pain, heart attacks, transplants, simple procedures or life changing diagnoses...the ones on the other side of our care....they are the ones who truly have it bad. And yet (from what I've seen so far) manage to stay positive.....show strength and courage through the most devastating times.....they are the ones we should be admiring. But for some reason we still can't help complaining about the things going "oh so wrong in our own lives."
In a hospital....on any given day....a persons life could change forever...in a matter of seconds....and lives do change...people lose loved ones....truly horrible things happen....and it is in these moments that an extra minute to care or show compassion about what a patient and/or their families are going through...is what really makes a difference. And if that isn't an outlook that can make you change your perspective on whats going "so wrong" in your life....I don't know what else can...
The reason I chose nursing in the first place was because I wanted to make a difference. It wasn't until getting involved with patients that I realized what a difference I can make (even in the simplest of ways). And I hope, as I struggle through juggling school and work and a life outside of both, that I don't forget that my everyday is someones big deal. I hope I don't miss out on chances to truly care for people when they need it the most.....because every patient is someones family...is someones friend...is something to someone...and knowing how much the people in my life mean to me.... I don't even want to be on the other side of horrible things that really do happen every day.
Staying thankful, staying positive, staying present and focused are the things always on my "to do list"
Monday, April 4, 2011
A quick update....
I feel soooo disconnected!!! Being without Internet or tv has SUCKED!! (not that I've had time for either in the past few weeks...but not that I have a moment to sit down and catch up....I feel uber behind...on blogs I follow, on school stuff, on facebook....on everything) This past week I have worked harder than I have ever in my life! I worked 4 nights this week, made up 2 tests (that I did less than awesome on booooo), went to class, and hosted Jillian's visit to Iowa....am I pooped or am I pooped?! I finally have 2.5 seconds to sit and catch up...so I figured I'd offer a quick update...seeing as how I feel as though I've fallen off the edge of the world....
I'm feeling more and more confident in my job...which is an uber plus considering the first day on my own is this Friday!! yikes!!! I also have to convince someone to trade schedules with me for the last week in April so I can enjoy finals and a trip to Kentucky with David's fam!! (soo much on my to do list!!)
School has proven to be a constant struggle for me this semester....with working, and adjusting to a new place I just can't seem to keep my head above water when it comes to studying and such...but hopefully will be able to pull some rabbit out of a hat by the end of the semester so I can atleast pass my classes and start over fresh next semester :( It is depressing me to say the least to be performing so awful....especially considering how awesome I did last semester :(
To round out a crazy week, I hosted my very first visitor to Iowa! Jillian came in Friday (I unfortunately had to work and take a test...which kind of sucked but she waited it out)--- Saturday we day tripped it to Chicago...and it was pretty awesome!!! I would have liked to have stayed an extra day...there is SOOOOOOO much to do there...but we hit the highlights I think....saw "The Bean" in Millennium Park, took a stroll (or 6) down the Magnificent Mile (of shopping), ate some authentic deep dish pizza at Giordano's, took a pit stop into the Chicago Tribune, admired some amazing architecture, and enjoyed the view from the top of the John Hancock Building...where we got to see a panoramic, birds eye view of the city and its surrounding states/landmarks (even Lake Michigan which was blue and looked more like an ocean).
We spent day two of Jillian's trip in Iowa (which she seemed less than thrilled about which made me kind of sad)---making a pit stop in ever cute boutique down town, ate lunch, went to Fireside Winery (my fav ever), and made a side trip to Amana and my fav ever Fern Hill antiques!!! (I guess after Chicago...Iowa is a little subpar....)
Now that I'm back in reality (class hanging over my head tomorrow, work on Wednesday, laundry in the wash, and plans of my week ahead) I'm really thinking alot about my attitude and "what the hell I'm doing here in Iowa." I've realized that this opportunity to work and go to school is the best opportunity I've had so far in my life....and I need to step up to the plate....so Iowa is no Chicago....and my dreams of living in the perfect place and having the perfect career are turning out a little less than perfect....but life isnt' about perfection...its about making the hand you've been dealt perfect for you....and while I would LOVE to be on some beach in Italy living the amazing life...I'm here...in Iowa....with a perfect opportunity to become something amazing....and I have 2 choices...I can cry everyday about how much I hate the weather, the water, the people...etc etc etc.....OR I can suck it up....step it up...and make the best out of the adventure at hand. After all, it was my choice to live somewhere completely different, and completely opposite of everything I've ever known....and that is EXACTLY what Iowa is....so instead of fearing the unknown....I'm going to give it all I've got to embrace the differences that are this lovely state. I know that after these next few years are over...I'll emerge with a completely different perspective on life....and that is all that one can hope for....
I'm feeling more and more confident in my job...which is an uber plus considering the first day on my own is this Friday!! yikes!!! I also have to convince someone to trade schedules with me for the last week in April so I can enjoy finals and a trip to Kentucky with David's fam!! (soo much on my to do list!!)
School has proven to be a constant struggle for me this semester....with working, and adjusting to a new place I just can't seem to keep my head above water when it comes to studying and such...but hopefully will be able to pull some rabbit out of a hat by the end of the semester so I can atleast pass my classes and start over fresh next semester :( It is depressing me to say the least to be performing so awful....especially considering how awesome I did last semester :(
To round out a crazy week, I hosted my very first visitor to Iowa! Jillian came in Friday (I unfortunately had to work and take a test...which kind of sucked but she waited it out)--- Saturday we day tripped it to Chicago...and it was pretty awesome!!! I would have liked to have stayed an extra day...there is SOOOOOOO much to do there...but we hit the highlights I think....saw "The Bean" in Millennium Park, took a stroll (or 6) down the Magnificent Mile (of shopping), ate some authentic deep dish pizza at Giordano's, took a pit stop into the Chicago Tribune, admired some amazing architecture, and enjoyed the view from the top of the John Hancock Building...where we got to see a panoramic, birds eye view of the city and its surrounding states/landmarks (even Lake Michigan which was blue and looked more like an ocean).
We spent day two of Jillian's trip in Iowa (which she seemed less than thrilled about which made me kind of sad)---making a pit stop in ever cute boutique down town, ate lunch, went to Fireside Winery (my fav ever), and made a side trip to Amana and my fav ever Fern Hill antiques!!! (I guess after Chicago...Iowa is a little subpar....)
Now that I'm back in reality (class hanging over my head tomorrow, work on Wednesday, laundry in the wash, and plans of my week ahead) I'm really thinking alot about my attitude and "what the hell I'm doing here in Iowa." I've realized that this opportunity to work and go to school is the best opportunity I've had so far in my life....and I need to step up to the plate....so Iowa is no Chicago....and my dreams of living in the perfect place and having the perfect career are turning out a little less than perfect....but life isnt' about perfection...its about making the hand you've been dealt perfect for you....and while I would LOVE to be on some beach in Italy living the amazing life...I'm here...in Iowa....with a perfect opportunity to become something amazing....and I have 2 choices...I can cry everyday about how much I hate the weather, the water, the people...etc etc etc.....OR I can suck it up....step it up...and make the best out of the adventure at hand. After all, it was my choice to live somewhere completely different, and completely opposite of everything I've ever known....and that is EXACTLY what Iowa is....so instead of fearing the unknown....I'm going to give it all I've got to embrace the differences that are this lovely state. I know that after these next few years are over...I'll emerge with a completely different perspective on life....and that is all that one can hope for....
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