Lately I've been struggling with a skill that I don't think I've yet adapted....and that's juggling everything that is my life. Balancing everything that goes on in our lives seems simple enough in theory....school, work, friends, relationships....but when it comes down to it...how well adapted are we when it comes to balancing the things that are most important to us?
I feel guilty when David needs attention and I can't give it to him b/c I'm too preoccupied with school or work...I feel guilty when I sit on the couch and relax when I know there are tests to study for...I hate that sometimes I just want to call my friends and chat it up for hours...and I don't because I'm too busy and always "put it off till later." I find that as of late I am always thinking about the things that need to be done...and not focusing on the things that are happening right in front of me at that moment. Its like my mind is always on to the next thing...before finishing a thought, or action, or daydream....and I'm finding that the more my mind wonders...the more conflicted I feel. Sometimes its like I can't do anything right...and other times...when I'm "in the moment" it feels like everything is simply perfect and I find that I hold my breath...knowing that those perfect moments are ever so fleeting...and won't last for longer than a few seconds...a few minutes...and if I'm really lucky maybe an hour or so.....
So why is it that in striving so hard for these fleeting moments of perfection...I get caught up in the details??? I just want to enjoy every moment in my life...b/c it is perfect....I have a man who moved halfway across the country for me b/c he loves me...I have a fam that instead of being in a different time zone are finally right across the street....and I get to experience something so new and exciting....why can't I just enjoy it?! Sometimes I think it simply comes down to having too many balls in the air...and not enough time to juggle them all.....
I wish I knew how to plan better...I wish I didn't hold off until the last minute to do everything in my life....I wish I just had a few extra hours in the day...for me...to do the things I love to do...and most of all...I wish I could find more time to enjoy the simple things in life.
I think I'm going to make a new resolution for my life.....learn to juggle...
3 comments:
I know 100% EXACTLY how you feel!!!!!!! You know this. I blogged about it too :) It's terribly hard to balance everything...just got to do the best you can! I hate not being able to just enjoy your down time because instead of not doing anything you're really just sitting there thinking about the stuff you NEED to be doing instead....I would even wake up making a list of things I needed to do that day, it's AWFUL! I would say it gets easier, but it hasn't yet...but there's still hope right?? Forest and I are just waiting for my 2 week break before summer classes start so we can actually BE together when we're together...know what I mean? Anyways, it's def hard to do...and hard to stay sane in the midst of all the chaos that we now call life, but you just have to remember WHY we're putting ourselves through this, prioritize, and remember to take a breather every now and then or else you'll totally go insane. That being said, I must now quit procrastinating and do my work! I took off today so I could work on my projects and I have yet to start a single one (and yes while I'm procrastinating I'm torturing myself because I'm just sitting here getting stressed out about how much I have to do...and I can't make myself do it!). Good Luck with everything! LAUVE YOU!!!!
i just wish david (and my fam) made it easier...its like they always expect me to do sooo well..and put all this pressure on me...and yet when it comes down to studying or doing what i have to do to actually do well..sometimes the don't let me do it (either by destracting me with fun activities...or david pouting b/c i'm not giving him 100% of my attention and me feeling guilty about it)...its such a vicious cycle...i wish i knew how to break it :(
These are time times that, one day, you'll look back and smile on. I felt the same way too in grad school. But I honestly do look back with nostalgia now, almost 2 years later. Listen to the song "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins... I make myself listen every time I wish a part of my life away or get really stressed out. Love you twomom!
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